Monday Morning Meandering

After skidding to a stop in front of the school and kicking the two youngest Farmers out the back passenger door, I sped off for some well deserved and much needed alone time away from my messy house and all that it contains. Hormones or not, this last week felt like the bottom fell out and all that I’ve worked for was scattered into the wind only to be viciously sucked up off the curb by a non-assuming street sweeper in a very unglamorous, unapologetic farewell. What broke the proverbial camels back? I was drowning in all the small things of little consequence, gasping for reassurance that would never come.

I wasn’t dressed for the excursion; just a light-weight fleece jacket, jeans and my plastic Skechers sandals. I had meant to run some grocery errands, instead I headed for the green space trail and didn’t look back. Trees. Leaves. Dirt and water. Relative, absolute silence and the crisp bite of morning air.

There was nobody on the trail. Nobody tugging on my pant leg. Nobody tapping their toes impatiently, hurrying me along on someone else’s schedule. Skewing my thoughts and misinterpreting my actions to be something more or less than what they truly are. I stood there as long as I liked and felt completely free to do so. It was just what I needed, it was just what I had forgotten.

The ducks didn’t seem to mind my intrusion and were quite willing to let me take their picture without fuss. Most were still bedding down, their heads tucked tightly to their side.

Cows were grazing in the sun, nibbling along the frost line as it slowly melted away. The grass is always greener… a philosophy weighted in disappointment, lacking honest humility and the fullness of gratitude.

Making the most of a Monday morning. It’s a love-hate relationship; peeling back the safe, warm covers and taking that first uncertain, chilly step of the new day. Barefoot and completely vulnerable.

And yet finding comfort in the strangest of places.

Sometimes you just have to take a step back to see that you’ve been focusing on the wrong things or too nearsighted to clearly see what lies beyond the moment.

To see the fruits of your labors however small or out of reach they maybe.

Hanging onto what’s left. Help can come in beautifully unexpected ways.

Foreboding or fantastical, it’s all in your perspective. It might not be the yellow brick road but at least it’s paved. I have a heart. I have a brain. All I need is courage, hoping that in the end I’ll discover that I’ve had it all along. Despite the melancholic tone, this mornings meandering made a difference. Vague reassurance finally came. I can breathe. I’m breathing. Everyone drowns a little now and then, not everyone fess’ up to it.

Now all I have to do is catch the hoodlums responsible for posting directions to my house.

Labels: Photography, Random Thoughts